Why girls are always advised to have a baby
Obviously, asking questions in the style of "When will you give birth to a little one?" To an adequate person who is able to distinguish a suitable topic for a conversation from an inappropriate one, this is understandable. A tactless interlocutor will continue to ask unpleasant questions, no matter how you explain to him. Therefore, articles about how to avoid uncomfortable conversations about reproductive plans seem meaningless to me. They can only increase the number of neurotics among people who, and so very carefully select topics for conversations, and, like the heroine of the story Teffi, begin to avoid the word "omnibus" because it looks like "hugging." And on the characters, who have trouble with the head and the sensation of others' boundaries, explanations will not work anyway, because they are rarely able to perceive anything other than voices in their head, and besides they are too busy with selfless teachings of their neighbors.
People with bad boundaries are constantly trying to convey to the people around a huge amount of unnecessary information: without asking you to advise you to read some questionable books, they teach you to properly salt tomatoes, although you do not eat them at all, insist that you are not getting a new haircut, although you did not ask for grades from the side. However, such attacks are filtered by consciousness on approach and are simply ignored: most often you do not even take offense, but simply make a mental note "idiot", "boor", "dumbass" and try to avoid talking to similar people in the future. You can be advised by anything: appear in a tyrannosaur costume for a working meeting or run around with a basin on your head in the library - you just twirl your finger at the temple, get away from the eccentric and immediately forget all this nonsense.
Why, then, is not less absurd advice to “give birth to a baby” causes such an acute and painful reaction?
Let's try to figure out what really hides behind the phrase “social pressure”. Frankly, society as a whole does not care about a lot of unfamiliar women who for some reason postpone the birth of children indefinitely or do not plan to give birth at all.And if you look into the details, it turns out that behind the vague wording "social pressure" hide the injuring words of mother, grandmother, other relatives, friends, doctors or colleagues, that is, quite specific people with certain motives for pronouncing the sacred phrase "The clock is ticking."
The acute emotional reaction of a childless girl to such “public pressure” is associated with the fear of not meeting the expectations of loved ones, and sometimes even unfamiliar people. Women make a choice in favor of childless life for various reasons, but this does not mean that they have no doubts
Someone might want a child, but feels insecure because of a lack of a reliable partner, stable work or own housing, and perhaps because of health problems. Others do not want children, because they honestly admit to themselves that they are not inclined to care for small helpless creatures and want to realize completely different ambitions than parental ones. Both those and others want approval from others - this is normal. The problem is that the insecurity of childless girls is confronted with the psychological protections of other people - and there is a feeling that the whole world wants to have a baby and know "the happiness of motherhood".
Our parents and grandparents often live mindlessly on the principle of "so that everything is like people." And if a daughter or granddaughter suddenly, by the age of twenty-five, does not have a family and does not become a mother, a badly conceived anxiety arises with the relatives. Grandmother, as a rule, to sit with her great-grandson has neither strength nor health. She likes to rather imagine herself with the baby in her arms, and the real prospect of becoming an elderly nurse is horrifying. The girl's mom probably also does not burn with the desire to help with her grandson — she has a job, a dacha, sick relatives in care and a dozen more important pressing issues. And nevertheless, relatives stubbornly continue to repeat some nonsense about the watch, the hare and the lawn. Probably, it is perceived with understanding and sympathy. Anxiety is the same symptom of an illness as an increase in pressure or abdominal pain. No, this is not “public pressure”, these are the own psychological problems of the older generation, which, alas, they are not taught to realize. It is very likely that a girl's relative does not dream at all about a grandchild or granddaughter, but simply unconsciously expresses anxiety about the fact that the poor thing does not fit into the usual life scenario.
Colleagues and other well-wishers also like to speculate about the purpose of the woman.But they do not have a goal to become the embodiment of “public anger”, more often it’s just a stupid desire to show off as an orator and utter a pathos speech about the charm of motherhood.
I have never heard uncomfortable questions about children from enthusiastic and successful people. They focus on opportunities, which opens up their lives, and are involved in their own interesting projects, so talking about other people's reproductive plans seems to be the most boring of all possible
But on the other hand, the poor fellows whose professional growth consists of daily choices often become the record holders of tactless wishes: see new pictures with cats in social networks or engage in hot political discussion with couch analytics techniques on Facebook.
By the way, the birth of one child is absolutely not a guarantee of stopping talking about "watch". After the birth of the first baby, you will certainly be interested in when you are going for the second. Having given birth to four, you will necessarily listen to reasoning about the fact that you need a fifth, because "you are so good at it." And even becoming the happy parents of a whole football team,you continue to get uncomfortable questions, because human idiocy combined with tactlessness and a lack of imagination in the choice of topics for conversations sometimes knows no bounds.
I am sure that “public pressure on childbirth” is only a problem of perception. Asking a tactless question about the baby, people do not put pressure on you, they just broadcast their own pain and secret fears. Perhaps the best thing to do in such a situation is to just shut up, ignore what was said, as if your interlocutor spoiled the air inadvertently.
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