Why a perfect appearance is a sign of "neurosis"

Our regular expert, psychologist and writer Tatiana Salvoni, talks about what hides the desire to always look perfect.

Two girls were photographed near one Moscow restaurant. More precisely, one photographed the other. Long, with feeling, sensibly, with the arrangement. Silently. And they could not catch the desired frame. In the opinion of the one that the girlfriend was photographing, there was always something not perfect. That curl is not lying, then the heel in the wrong perspective flashed. Both girls at the eyes of the inhabitant were simply unearthly. Everything was perfect in them! In addition to this mysterious dissatisfaction with themselves. In this, on the one hand, there was some kind of despair, and on the other, absolute inaccessibility.

Photo: Getty

It is. The pursuit of ideality and the ongoing control of their appearance almost brought to a neurotic state are knightly armor, psychological defense. Somehow, a friend who has such a tendency to excessive perfectionism, opened up that she did not understand why her personal life was so difficult for her.That is why, she said, she liked a man somewhere in a bar, but he does not fit, only occasionally devours his eyes from afar. But on the other hand, some psychopaths, who have written on my forehead “break my heart with a half-kick,” are cutting down the shaft.

It was not perfect right away. At first she had a very difficult childhood, which she does not like to recall, a difficult relationship with her parents. From her youth, she plunged into a career, and it was also very difficult. But as soon as she began to earn money, she began to spend almost all the money on appearance, on good clothes, and on caring for herself. She gets up a few hours before leaving the house because she says she needs to clean up. Sometimes it is stipulated - “in readiness”. She has a lot of internal pain for life, she has not worked with her in any way, the only way for her to continue life in a normal way is to look good. It was for her such protective knight armor. And I think, that's why it happens. A normal, lively man sees this, it is simply not safe for him to approach her. He is not in armor, he is vulnerable. But psychopaths always wear their psychological armor - trained charm, style of behavior, the same words and tricks, so they are not afraid to approach it.

Photo: Getty

Psychologists recognize that a well-groomed appearance is really a very good resource. It helps for a while, when inside is bad, when you are experiencing stress or a difficult life situation. But of course, it does not solve problems, it just helps to hold on. Such a psychological crutch. Same as excessive sport and travel. These are all good resources to withstand the time of change. If only not the main occupation in life.

Problems begin when it comes to the realization that the protection of appearance does not help. And there are two ways out.

The first is to courageously start to deal with your cockroaches and with your life in general, set new priorities, live the pain, forgive, let go of the past, enter into more healthy contact with reality, change it, change yourself, and so on. At some point, the need for a crutch disappears, and it becomes not necessary every day to look like you are going to a wedding for an English princess. Then you notice that in the current trend there is a mess, carelessness and freedom, and this trend suddenly starts to really like it.

The second way out is to start strengthening your defenses. So, not just a cosmetic treatment, but already a surgeon's knife.The goal is the perfect body and face. In trauma therapy, permanent surgical intervention in its appearance without objective reasons is considered as a type of auto-aggression, almost suicidal behavior. It sounds scary, but in general, any surgical intervention in the integrity of the body for a person is no less creepy. Anesthesia can relieve pain awareness, but the body “knows” that it is being cut. This is someone who had had his appendicitis cut out or some other operation necessary for survival, remember how disturbing and exciting it was before that. In such a situation, for example, I was not at all reassured by the words: they say, you will not feel anything, you will fall asleep, you will wake up, and everything has already been done. Because any operation on the body is a psychological wound as well. And after it is important to go through a stage of psychological recovery. And if a person deliberately goes to these wounds and without an objective reason, it means that in his soul something hurts so much that it muffles the voice of instinct.

Photo: Getty

But the thing is, no one knows how best for a particular person. What is right and what is not. It is known that man is a self-adjusting mechanism.And what he does at this moment in his life is what helps him right now, no matter how it looks from the outside, and whatever the motive from the point of view of psychology.

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