Male view: why guys only need sex
My search for a constant companion of life at the moment does not bother me. But the physiological needs of the body have not been canceled. In this case, I do not want to hang girls noodles on the ears in order to drag them into the bunk. And if you say openly that "I do not intend to start a relationship, and all I need from you is one," quite a few girls will say yes. Still, whatever some of the girls may say about understanding the principle of free relations, most of them subconsciously push nature to find a permanent partner, and I don’t want to waste their time and nerves, because sooner or later this situation will start to alarm them. As a result, a stalemate: sex is needed, but I do not want to receive it by deceit. Need advice, what should I do? ”
The problem described in the letter, at first glance, seems trivial, and after all, most men face it. Indeed, if we consider a woman and a man as carriers of certain gender roles,which are due to instinctive components, there is an obvious contradiction based on the desire of the man to fertilize as many females as possible and the desire of the woman to have a family and stability. So everyone says. But like any state of affairs that is obvious to most, this vision of the essence of the relationship is false, because it is based on a superficial understanding of human nature.
Unfortunately, sex for both men and women is the only - I emphasize, the only - channel through which they can really communicate and, therefore, form their self-esteem
Let's say so, most people have sex not in order to get physiological pleasure, but in order for another person to confirm with his immediate actions that his partner or partner is desirable. Of course, such relationships are superficial in nature, because they end with sexual intercourse. With the help of sex, people compensate for their internal inferiority.
When I argue that sex is the only channel through which Mae and Jo can communicate, I base myself on the factthat girls and boys are not prone to contact, through which they can verbally express their feelings to each other, their bold desires, fears and anxieties. Meanwhile, already in the first stages of relationships, when sex is not yet accomplished, this alarming component is guaranteed to occur in most people. As a man, I argue that intimacy with a woman is a shock. If this is genuine intimacy.
The average macho-man, a dog or a pickup artist has no idea how to create an intimacy with a woman, because for this closeness you have to take off the mask
Therefore, people “jump over” the stage of creating intimacy and tend to drag another person to bed, as this is the shortest way to get a temporary dose of self-esteem.
Do you understand what I'm talking about? People only dream that they have sex for pleasure. If they allowed each other to honestly intercourse, as animals do, then in general the situation would be more harmonious. In fact, they think that they need sex for pleasure, meanwhile they need it for self-esteem, but when they start marriage games that should lead to sex, they dance in front of each other incomprehensible dances, creating in them a mutual misunderstanding of what they actually need each other.
The second rather banal factor is that the same sense of inner inferiority creates an internal excitement that must be splashed out. Thus, having sex, we achieve two things: temporarily raise self-esteem and relieve arousal.
But further, further the most interesting moment begins, which I call retribution. It consists in the fact that the initial inferiority of each person is in his inner expectations of himself. After spending the night with a woman, every man, consciously or not, feels obliged to determine the relationship created. But since he doesn’t have information about what kind of relationship his partner wants and what kind of relationship he wants, he fills this empty field with various projections like “Every girl wants to get married after sex.” This creates a depressed state and ... correctly, lowers self-esteem. Thus, a man comes out of a relationship more depressed than entered into them.
This is all I write about the hero of the letter. After reading the letter, I'm not sure that he ever had sex. I mean real sex, in which the partners are naked in front of each other, not only with the body, but above all with their gut.
And you know, man's defenselessness sometimes consists in telling a woman: “I just want to have sex with you!” I assure you, an absolute majority of women cannot resist this, because they are not less, but maybe more than men want to be wanted
The truth always works, a lie creates secondary depression and neurosis. Therefore, the dilemma facing the hero of the letter is actually not worth a damn. It is based primarily on the fact that he does not know himself and hides from women. He needs to realize that his “no time for relationship” is self-deception. Relationship time should be qualitative, not quantitative.
25 years is a great age to start thinking about becoming a man. A man, of course, can crystallize even in 30–35 years. But most of us do not become men like that. Die of the craven
Therefore, I would like to advise the hero of the letter: to direct your volitional efforts not to search for the magic recipe, with the help of which women will jump him like a chicken on a skewer, but to create a relationship.
What to do? To notice the girl who will really like.Buy her ice cream or a flower. Invite somewhere. If at this stage he does not lose interest in her, because she annoys him with his hysterical laughter or bouts of flatulence, tell her something about himself. What he does not usually tell people he knows less than ten years. To make her understand what kind of person he is. And then ask her about the same. Then the magic thing will happen: the woman will come to life, and our hero will become alive for her. And then you can already go to sex or not to go. After all, a man will begin to understand what he is and what it is. And his fear will disappear, which prevents him from having real sex, and no one (and above all he) will be able to accuse him of lying or cowardice.
Finally, I will say this: the problem of relationships is that we have raised the need for sex to the rank of generally accepted things, but have avoided the need for honesty.
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