How to respond to comments about the shape?
Often people face critical comments to their side, as well as themselves make comments to others. The lion's share of such replicas is said behind your back, and with the rest of the value judgments you have to meet face to face. Any sphere of a person's life or himself can be depreciated, starting from the incorrectly chosen shade of the sweatshirt and ending with the person directly criticized. And if the blouse can be changed, then with the features of the figure will be a little more difficult.
Criticism can be manifested in the form of humorous remarks or rigid depreciation of the human body. People who are confronted with this for the first time, or, on the contrary, constantly, are guessing, how should one respond to discouraging judgments about oneself, especially if they come from close people? In order to answer this question it is necessary, first of all, to understand the reasons for this behavior.
Types of criticism
To begin with, it should be understood that criticism can be of the following types:
- Constructive. "It seems to me that you have gained excess weight this month, most likely because you stopped eating right." Such a remark is constructive and will not cause violent reactions, if it sounds from her husband.
- Constructive in content, but not in form. "It seems that it is time for you to look at yourself from the outside, you are very recovered." Perhaps the woman really gained a few extra pounds, but this does not mean that she does not notice such changes in her own body. Therefore, if a friend allows such a statement, she can offend the girl, and she will consider herself unjustly hurt. If the girlfriend reformulates the phrase a little, then the conflict will be settled.
- Constructive in form, but not in content. “You are too stout. I have completely ceased to follow myself! ”Such comments may contain a rational grain, but they can cause aggression, silence, or retaliation against the abuser. A woman can make the appropriate conclusions, go on a diet, start eating right, go to the gym, but the offense will remain anyway.If the situation repeats, then it is likely that such a family can break up.
- Nonconstructive. “You are fat like a cow! How could you run yourself like this ?! "Comments are offensive and hurt human dignity. Moreover, such criticism will not cause anything other than a negative response. Remarks of this kind will not do anybody any good and, moreover, will not help to remove shortcomings in the figure of a person. In addition, similar statements are capable of destroying any relationship, regardless of who will respond, from parents or from a beloved friend.
Why is this happening?
Unfortunately, often criticism and comments are unconstructive. In order to understand what to answer people, you must first understand why they do so.
- Self-affirmed at the expense of others. There is a category of people who seek to criticize everything around. Although outwardly they want to appear as personalities who know many things, in fact they have a very low self-esteem. In order to somehow stand out and support themselves, they point out the shortcomings of others. It's so hard for men and women to please in something, because they will always find fault.
- Envy.People on an unconscious level or knowingly realize that they lack something in life, and try at the expense of others to devalue this fact, veiled making you a remark.
- Personal animosity. Relations of this kind arise between people who, due to certain circumstances, should communicate with each other (daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, son-in-law and mother-in-law, colleagues, acquaintances). Since in such relationships there is a certain background of personal dislike, it creates fertile ground for criticizing statements. It is useless to react, because the critic will always find something to cling to.
- Output negative. Everyone is familiar with the situation when a bad mood leads to the fact that you start to get angry even because of the little things and you can fall for family members, making them comments. In this case, you just need to let the person "cool down" in order to recover.
- Selfishness. If two friends sit on a diet and one begins to lose weight rapidly, then another may allow unflattering comments in her address to extol oneself.
- Good intentions. Sometimes relatives or friends tell us unflattering things, but they don’t want to offend them.They just do not know how to choose the right words. It is possible that if they say the same thing, but in a different form, it will be possible to listen to the statements and see the rational grain in the remark.
Having understood what motives a critic may be guided by, one can understand how to respond correctly and what needs to be answered.
If the unflattering words about the features of the figure sound from a person who is insignificant in your life, you can firmly put it in its place by answering in a rude manner. Thus, the problem will not be solved, but he will lose the desire to criticize in the future. If you want to resolve the issue with comments in a civilized way, then you should resort to the following tactics:
- With a calm tone you answer, with what you agree and you give arguments for disagreement: “yes, I know that I have small breasts, but she is happy with me, so I’m not going to do an operation to increase it”. As soon as the conversation takes on the character of a quarrel, you propose to change the topic of the discussion.
- Be silent in response. If you do not know how and what to answer to the offender, or you cannot cope with yourself, then it is better to make a silent pause, thus you can calm down and take a breath.
- Use humor.A phrase like “a good person should have a lot” will discourage the interlocutor and put in place.
- Change the subject. This behavior will show that the remark does not matter to you.
- Postpone discussion for a certain time. You can directly say “I will think over what has been said, but now I can’t give a constructive answer to your statement, let's return to the discussion later” or refer to “urgent matters”. Such a time-out will allow you to collect your thoughts and understand what is worth answering.
In any case, whatever answer you choose to criticize a statement regarding a figure, first of all, you need to cope with your emotions and look at the situation from the outside. You should also pay attention to the tone of voice, respond quietly, but confidently and calmly, avoiding elevated tones. And if the interlocutor does not have any phrases, then just say: “This is your opinion, but I have another,” and you can end the conversation.
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